Guilty: Confessions of a College Prankster



What is the statute of limitations on college dorm pranks?

Am I passed the threshold of doing time for the crime?

Because I need to come clean.

I feel sort of bad. 

(No, I’m not smiling).

It was me.

I did it.

Oh the pranks were funny at the time.

At least to me.

Knee-buckling hilarity.

In the days before

phones had cameras

and everything 

was worthy of taking pictures

and posting

and going

viral.

So time for me to ‘fess up.

(Off the record, of course).

Here is the list,

I’m not (smirk) proud of it

(No I’m not giggling, really.)

it was me – 

Grape Kool-Aid powder in the shower heads. All of them.

Sure, you screamed as the purple rain came down

I laughed in the stairwell.

Knowing there was more to come.

I didn’t get up at 3am for just ONE prank.

it was me – 

Unloading the rest of the grape Kool-Aid in the hair dryers.

Part 2. When you went to dry your purple hair

you got a face full.

I’m busting up in the stairwell

But starting to wonder,

if I went a little too far.

it was me – 

Inserting the shaving-cream-filled album cover under your door.

And jumping on it.

Arterial spray covering

walls

ceiling

floor

wardrobe

and notebooks.

I ran fast

never witnessing

my artwork.

it was me – 

Locking you up in your room, during finals

Letting you sweat

blocking your phone line

until only minutes remained

and you had to run

across the campus

to take your final.

it was me – 

Timing the toilet-flushing when you were in the shower

  to give you a cold reception

and nabbing your towel

and clothes

and running down the hall

happily.

it was me – 

Your phone ringing past midnight, the earpiece covered in peanut butter.

Sitting in the dark of my room

holding back the tears

imagining you

cleaning out your ears.

it was me – 

I’m guilty.

I’m sorry.

I’m not (smirk) proud of it.

(No I’m not giggling, really.)



Day 4 – Slice of Life