Guilty: Confessions of a College Prankster



What is the statute of limitations on college dorm pranks?

Am I passed the threshold of doing time for the crime?

Because I need to come clean.

I feel sort of bad. 

(No, I’m not smiling).


It was me.

I did it.


Oh the pranks were funny at the time.

At least to me.

Knee-buckling hilarity.

In the days before

phones had cameras

and everything 

was worthy of taking pictures

and posting

and going

viral.


So time for me to ‘fess up.

(Off the record, of course).

Here is the list,

I’m not (smirk) proud of it

(No I’m not giggling, really.)


it was me – 


Grape Kool-Aid powder in the shower heads. All of them.

Sure, you screamed as the purple rain came down

I laughed in the stairwell.

Knowing there was more to come.

I didn’t get up at 3am for just ONE prank.


it was me – 


Unloading the rest of the grape Kool-Aid in the hair dryers.

Part 2. When you went to dry your purple hair

you got a face full.

I’m busting up in the stairwell

But starting to wonder,

if I went a little too far.


it was me – 


Inserting the shaving-cream-filled album cover under your door.

And jumping on it.

Arterial spray covering

walls

ceiling

floor

wardrobe

and notebooks.

I ran fast

never witnessing

my artwork.


it was me – 


Locking you up in your room, during finals

Letting you sweat

blocking your phone line

until only minutes remained

and you had to run

across the campus

to take your final.


it was me – 


Timing the toilet-flushing when you were in the shower

  to give you a cold reception

and nabbing your towel

and clothes

and running down the hall

happily.


it was me – 


Your phone ringing past midnight, the earpiece covered in peanut butter.

Sitting in the dark of my room

holding back the tears

imagining you

cleaning out your ears.


it was me – 

I’m guilty.

I’m sorry.

I’m not (smirk) proud of it.

(No I’m not giggling, really.)




Day 4 – Slice of Life

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15 thoughts on “Guilty: Confessions of a College Prankster

  1. I just laughed out loud a whole bunch. Oh College…I Won’t Be Slicing About That. 🙂 This was extremely clever and I enjoyed every bit of it. (As a completely innocent college student of course.)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Very clever post. The pranks at my women’s Catholic college often involved statues of saints. Glad I didn’t live in your dorm.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. So glad I didn’t live in your dorm, but wondering how do you put the purple kool-ade in the shower head??? that my husband uses. Sounds interesting and might be fun… D 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • We unscrewed all the shower heads in the girls bathroom, and filled them with purple kool-aid powder. Then we put more powder in their hair dryers.

      (off the record, of course)
      😉

      Like

    • You’re the first to remark on this!

      I thought about re-doing the post, claiming to be “framed”, but keeping the points as an acronym spelling out “GUILTY”, but I decided it might be too ‘busy,
      Since WordPress doesn’t allow me to use a larger font, I decided to keep it as is. Thanks for your encouraging wordds!

      Like

  4. This one time in college my dorm room ended up in a web of masking tape. Was it you? A protégé perhaps? I can visualize these events so clearly… no phone images needed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • If I was found guilty of these pranks, I wouldn’t give up any proteges or mentors in our supposed network (wink).

      psst.. – we have members on every university campus. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  5. (a response? perhaps)

    So it was you
    then
    we always knew —
    there was something in the way
    you watched our reactions
    and there was that time
    we noticed your fingers
    faint with purple, as if Prince had shaken your hand …
    it was you then
    we always knew ….

    🙂
    Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I love this, but I have to say, it made me feel squeamish–especially the “locking you up in your room, during finals….” I am very glad I did not live in your dorm!

    Liked by 1 person

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