I am an Enigma. I do not understand what I do. The good I want to do, I often turn from, and the poor choices I want to avoid, I can slowly gravitate towards. On some level, this struggle is a human experience, detailed in Romans 7:15-
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”
As humans, we often turn from that which we know is best for us. I turn towards pleasure, when what I need may be perseverance. I turn towards the influence of the world, when I really need the insights of wisdom.
I turn from light, because sometimes I just want my turn.
My turn at glory.
My turn at acceptance.
My turn to be in the headlines.
My turn to be first.
My turn for happiness.
This drive to put my own desires on a pedestal, often ends in my turning from light. It ends in hurt relationships, misplaced expectations, disappointments, and empty promises. When I focus primarily on putting my desires on the pedestal, filling myself leaves me empty.
Reminding me to turn my face, and my heart, to Him. Because in him, my turn has been fulfilled.